Breaking Circles

by emzae

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1.
03:22
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3.
03:51
4.
03:33
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04:59
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7.
03:13

about

An album I wrote whilst losing my mind and gaining it back again. My first official release and one that is close to my heart.

In the summer of 2014, I experienced a bout of mental illness. In a life affected by the disease, it was the worst i'd ever felt. As my health deteriorated, I found the only thing that comforted me was music. I wrote to make sense of my jumbled thoughts, and to express myself in a way that I couldn't through speech. The songs on this record were recorded to sound like the inside of my brain.

Eventually, I referred myself to a new psychologist and continued the treatment I had discharged myself from two years earlier. I also started taking anti-depressants for the first time in my life.

As my mindset began to change, I started to see the songs I had written as a symbol of my survival. I wanted to release my album to the public, not only to comfort people in the same situation, but also to show that as human beings we are stronger than we think.

The good news is, i'm pretty happy these days.

credits

released August 4, 2014

All songs written, performed and produced by emzae. All rights reserved.

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license

all rights reserved

about

emzae England, UK

I make songs in a small space next to a window then upload them online.

contact / help

Contact emzae

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Track Name: Monday
Back to the real world
Back to my life
Trapped inside an office
And trapped inside my mind
Check out of my place
Check in again
Do all of the same things
That i did yesterday

Why do I wanna be back here?
Why do I wanna be normal?
Why can't I just run away forever?
Because I need money
And I need a place to live
But all i want is love
Nothing else really matters to me

Back to my bed now
Back to my dreams
Sleeping off my sadness
And hoping to be free
Wake up to daylight
Wake up to sound
The clock is ticking
On my wall way too loud

Why do I wanna be back here?
Why do I wanna be normal?
Why can't I just run away forever?
Because I need money
And I need a place to live
But all i want is love
Nothing else really matters to me
Track Name: Pretty Stranger
Pretty stranger
Why you sat
All alone looking at me like that?
I'd come over
Just for a chat
Or maybe I could help you find your way back
To where you come from
Where do you come from?
Why are you here for me?

See I could get to know you
And you could tell me your truth
And I could split my heart in two
And I could take you up high
Into my beautiful sky
but you'd only let me lose my mind
And I could learn to love you
Seeing you, I already do
You're beautiful, you're fresh, you're so brand new
And I could take you up high
Into my beautiful sky
But you'd only let me lose my mind

Pretty stranger
What's your name?
Am I right in thinking that we're the same?
See i'd come over
Just for a chat
Or maybe I could help you find your way back
To where you come from
Where do you come from?
Why are you here for me?

See I could get to know you
And you could tell me your truth
And I could split my heart in two
And I could take you up high
Into my beautiful sky
but you'd only let me lose my mind
And I could learn to love you
Seeing you, I already do
You're beautiful, you're fresh, you're so brand new
And I could take you up high
Into my beautiful sky
But you'd only let me lose my mind
Track Name: Junkie
I'm like a junkie
Saying this time i'll get better
But every time I end up at your door
Take it all from me
Cause I don't care if there is nothing left

All I want is to feel good
That's why i'm taking medication for my brain
But all I am is a user
Who hates herself so much that she quite likes the pain

I can't promise I won't let you down
I can't promise that I won't relapse
I can't promise I won't think of myself
I can't promise I'll be in good health
Just as long as you think crazy's not the worst that I could be
Just as long as all you care about is me being happy
Just as long as you remember when you met me I was me
Just as long as you can see

You're my abuser
That's how it feels when you don't want me
But I know it's a problem of my own
Insecurities always leave me alone and bitter
I'd like to feel as though I can be free

All I want is to feel good
That's why i'm taking medication for my brain
But all I am is a user
Who hates herself so much that she quite likes the pain

I can't promise I won't let you down
I can't promise that I won't relapse
I can't promise I won't think of myself
I can't promise I'll be in good health
Just as long as you think crazy's not the worst that I could be
Just as long as all you care about is me being happy
Just as long as you remember when you met me I was me
Just as long as you can see
Track Name: Simple
I always thought it would be simple
That we'd be friends and we'd be free
I never wanna be the one that comes between you both
That bitch just aint me

And I know that you are scared that what you have will die
If he keeps speaking to me all the time but I
Just wanted to let you know

Everybody seems to think that I'm the type of girl
Who pretends to be nice so she can get into his world
All I want is for his heart to truly be happy
So I might love him, but i'd never do that to you babe

This is a message to your lady
I do not want us all to fight
If you can understand that I am not a threat at all
Then you can finally see the light

And I know that you feel insecure and wonder why
If he has you he needs another girl in his life
But I want to let you know

Everybody seems to think that I'm the type of girl
Who pretends to be nice so she can get into his world
All I want is for his heart to truly be happy
So I might love him, but i'd never do that to you babe

And yeah I love him
But that's what love is to me
Doing anything at all so he can be happy
Even if he lives his whole life with someone else
It's only fair, because he met her before me
And I'm weird
Yeah I'm weird
I'm just too weird

Everybody seems to think that I'm the type of girl
Who pretends to be nice so she can get into his world
All I want is for his heart to truly be happy
So I might love him, but i'd never do that to you babe
Track Name: Circles
You are my dream
You have been for a long time
And on another planet I think we could be
Perfection or as close as you can get

It's been too long
And i've been trying to hold on
To the fact that dreams sometimes do come true
Wishing away my time
And keeping you in my mind
Is hurting me more than losing you

I have to break away
Won't be speaking to you today
Cause every time I do
It's pointless
I've given everything
Put all of my work in
Tried to get through to you
But we just keep on going round in circles
In circles
In circles

You are magic
You have been
Since I met you
And if it was another life I know that you
Would have given you heart to me

It's been too long
And i've been trying to hold on
To the fact that dreams sometimes do come true
Wishing away my time
And keeping you in my mind
Is hurting me more than losing you

I have to break away
Won't be speaking to you today
Cause every time I do
It's pointless
I've given everything
Put all of my work in
Tried to get through to you
But we just keep on going round in circles
In circles
In circles
Track Name: I Just Hope You Know
Take me back to when I stood there
Throwing stones into the river
When the water turned the sunlight into sparkles
Gave you all my love and then you
Went and threw it back in my face
If you ever get in trouble, god help you

Cause sometimes we're desperate
I won't lie cause I am hurt
But I can't cry
That'll make it worse
I'll just move along
From the other side
It's different
With your sane mind
You won't listen
But you could find
Yourself in
My place anytime

So I hope you know
I just hope you know
Yeah I hope you know
I just hope you know

Take me back to when I thought straight
And I really thought that I was great
When I wrote songs just for fun
And not to heal me
Gave you all my love and then you
Went and threw it back in my face
If you ever get in trouble, god help you

Cause sometimes
We're desperate
I won't lie
Cause I am hurt
But I can't cry
That'll make it worse
I'll just move along
From the other side
It's different
With your sane mind
You won't listen
But you could find
Yourself in
My place anytime

So I hope you know
I just hope you know
Yeah I hope you know
I just hope you know

It's not easy being crazy
It's not easy being something that you're not
It makes you kind of isolated
Like you're going to lose all the things you've got x2

(all the things you've got) repeat til fade.
Track Name: In The Stars
I don't know where life will take me and I don't know who I am
But it's okay because there is no point in making a plan
I am still standing and I can be proud that i've made it here
Yesterday is gone today is now tomorrow's only clear

In the stars x8